Courtyard Health Clinic is proud to be collaborating with Professor Zoe Chouliara, a highly respected academic and clinician with extensive experience in trauma-informed care, relational health, psychological wellbeing, recovery, and resilience. We are delighted to share this January article written by a Professor Zoe. January is a month that is statistically challenging for many relationships. Studies consistently show a significant rise in separation enquiries and divorce filings at the start of the year, with some reports noting increases of up to 25–30% in January compared with other months. It is therefore an important moment to reflect on relational health, how relationships shape wellbeing, and where support may be beneficial.
Relationships are where the strong live – How relationships shape our health, immunity and wellness
By Professor Zoe Chouliara
When we think about health, we often think only in illness terms. Yet decades of research – and daily clinical experience – tell us something profoundly simple: health does not live in isolation. It lives in the body, the mind, and crucially, in our relationships.
The five pillars of everyday health
Good health is not built by one dramatic intervention, but by small, repeated acts of care. Five pillars matter most:
- Sleep
- Physical activity
- Nutrition
- Hydration
- Connection
These pillars directly influence the immune system, which in turn affects:
- Susceptibility to infections
- Recovery time after illness or surgery
- The course of chronic and inflammatory conditions
Poor sleep, unbalanced nutrition, chronic stress, dehydration, or social isolation or unhealthy interactions all increase inflammatory processes in the body. Inflammation is now recognised as a common pathway in many physical and mental health conditions – from fatigue syndromes and pain disorders to low mood and anxiety.
Why relationships matter to the body
Humans are biologically wired for safety through connection. When relationships are secure, predictable, nurturing and trusting, the nervous system settles. Stress hormones reduce. The immune system functions more efficiently.
When relationships are or feel unsafe – when we feel we are walking on eggshells, constantly monitoring others, being judged, asked to perform, unable to be ourselves, unsupported, or fearing conflict – the body remains on high alert. Over time, this state of vigilance takes a measurable toll on health.
Trust plays a central role here. Trust mediates how we experience life stress, trauma, and uncertainty. Where trust is chronically broken or absent, stress responses remain activated, feeding inflammatory processes that affect both mind and body.
Top tips for relational health (and physical wellbeing)
1. Check your circle of trust
Who is truly in it – and who is not?
Feeling chronically unsafe in relationships is exhausting for the nervous system and harmful for long-term health.
2. Talk things through
A problem shared is often a problem halved. Unspoken worries keep the body in a stress response; expression helps regulation. Share with the right people at the right time. Your doctor or a trusted confidante is a great way to start.
3. Do a boundaries health-check
Boundaries are not just about saying no.
They are about deciding how you want to be treated and entering relationships from that position.
Ask yourself:
- Do I over-give to feel valued?
- Do I try to control outcomes to feel safe?
Healthy boundaries protect emotional and physical energy. They are the cornerstone of psychological health.
4. Seek real connection
Social media is not the same as human connection.
Face-to-face interaction, shared presence, and being genuinely seen are what regulate the nervous system.
5. Review your needs – don’t constantly outsource them
Make a realistic plan to meet your own needs rather than waiting for others to meet them for you.
Aim for interdependence, not co-dependence.
6. Notice the cost of relationships
If a relationship consistently costs your peace, sleep, or health, it may be unsustainable in its current form. Perhaps you have outgrown some relationships. People come in our lives for a reason, a season, a lifetime or all of the above. Just because a connection has to end it does not mean you have failed or that it wasn’t necessarily good.
7. Consider therapy when needed
Therapy is not a failure – it is a reset.
It can help calm the nervous system, build healthier relational patterns, and support recovery at both psychological and physiological levels.
8. Reset before reacting
Before making major relational decisions, focus on regulating your nervous system.
Learning to respond rather than react often changes both outcomes and health.
A final thought
Strong people are not those who endure everything silently.
They are those who build lives – and relationships – that support their health, dignity, and humanity.
Because nurturing and growthful relationships are where the strong live.
If you would like help with psychological wellbeing, relational health, or mental health support, you can contact Courtyard Health Clinic or reach Professor Zoe Chouliara directly via her website.
